One more day
(While I wait for Hamlet notes to load. I'm not breaking the pact right?)
Many things have happened as of late. I become increasingly aware of how the world actually works and more often than not I allow myself to be confined within a small space of thinking. Once in a while I jump out of the box, and start to really see how it is supposed to be.
It's heartbreaking to see how the world can crash down, discolour and stop completely for someone. But the rest of the world, oblivious and continue their work as like they have been doing it forever. And the stark truth is that the world really just goes on no matter how bad is your day. And I see people staying strong throughout the whole episode, never letting something as big as that pull them down, and move on looking towards the future courageously although there is big gaping hole in their hearts. I salute them truly.
Then I think how foolish I am, to let many things so small it is negligible to bring me down and let me be on the worrying end for days. Then I feel small, that I'd never have the courage as bold as theirs, never have the strength to hoist myself up when I fall, that I constantly need support and affirmation, that I'd never be who I may be. But I know I'll learn slowly, and I pray I can handle it when adversity comes.
I see how people flourish and bloom with such vigour and life and I take a look at my own -- Constantly tired, chained and boxed. I know that is not the case, it is completely in my mind. I feel ashamed even, that with youth, time and capabilities on my side, I'd rather sit back and think how to go the easy way out of life. I give excuses like lack of courage and thinking back, it is really ludicrous. Why do I allow myself to be manipulated by my own mind, my imaginery stares and norms, my own make-believe standards of others? I need to break free and do what I really can.
I don't want to be old and mourn over why I did not do this and that when it was possible to. If I just let decades of my life pass by in a fleeting glance without making as many differences as I can, then I'd truly question the meaning of living.
(As an afterthought, I marvel at how some pieces of life almost literally falls into place just like that, without prior knowledge, without an inch of expectation or hope that it would. And it fits, perfectly. Whereas some things you do just that, and it seems to run away from you faster than before.)
