Strike a last chord
Strike a last chord
It's 2am. Mum/Dad's going to scream if they find me still sitting here typing my life away. Don't adults understand time doesn't matter? We let time run our lives everyday. Deadlines. Time to eat medicine, time to sleep. What if you don't feel like sleeping at all? What if there wasn't even time to begin with. Would our lives just go by without leaving anything significant? Would the sun rise and set without meaning? Would we just wander aimlessly? What is time to us anyway?
Well, I'd never know.
Been spending the last few hours on the computer, aimlessly flipping through blogs after blogs after blogs. Looked at archives of some of 2C-ians. And memories are brought back. Life is a funny thing. Makes you think and wonder about it, yet it doesn't give you an answer. It never does.
Where did we all go?
Was those 2 years just a passing phase that we so dearly want to cling on to, but keeps running away from us? Was those 2 years just something we fall back on but forget when we grow old? Was those 2 years worth our mourning after? Yes, I'm sure it is. I cling onto it and love it as much as all of us do. But we don't know, we're letting go bit by bit, filling in the gaping hole of our lost time with something new; our new classes, new friends and all. So much so the hole gets filled, but the scars of the hurt and pain of leaving 2C serves as a reminder to us, to us all.
Don't you all see? We already fit into this year. This year of 2006. I can't imagine how I don't have anything to say to people anymore. Where did the hours of talking go? I can't imagine all we have is a bye and a hi. Sometimes even none. I can't imagine we're in the same level and yet, we hardly see each other at all. I can't imagine.. All 33 of us spent 2 whole years together. Years. Not months, nor weeks. And yet we're all scattered leaves. Leaves which came from a single tree. We dropped down from that tree, sure. The wind will blow us away, definitely. Some leaves to the some place up high in the mountains, enjoying sunshine and bliss. Some into the drains and ditches, damp, desolate, dark. But do we remember which is the tree we ALL came from? Do we even remember each other 10 years down the road?
It goes the same for primary school. We don't talk anymore. Out of a whooping 40 people, the people I keep in contact with are less than 15. What's the point of having each other on our contact lists online and not talk for more than a year? Does that serve as consolence to know some form of contact is present? What fat good does it do to have an annual chalet when we don't even talk normally? Isn't it just hypocritical to tell people: Oh I'm having a primary school class chalet, when it's just .. empty. Empty atmosphere.
I'm scared. I make an effort, a big effort to remember every single thing that has happened to me in my life. I need something to fall back on - Memories. I let go, I do. But I still hold back what's important to me. I cling onto things that cannot be typed or printed or saved. I hold them tight, hold them close, fast. I'm afraid memories are taken away from me. Then I have nothing left.
Been looking at this powerpoint Jonathan just made me. Thanks guy. Many pictures of 6/1 in the past. Of me of him of her of us of them. We all changed. Physcially. Mentally. I saw faces I kind of forgot existed. I saw smiles I haven't seen in a long time. And then, there was this slide with pictures of me in P6, Sec 1 and Sec 2. Have I changed? For better, for worse. I knew I learnt, I became stronger, I'm not the old me I was in primary school. I've learnt to learn. I let go. In any case, thanks Jon for doing a nice and meaningful powerpoint. Beats the hell outta my stupid one.
Thinking like this makes me a bit.. Detached. I get confused I walk with an uncertainty. Will be better after I get some sleep and whisk off to camp.
Back to the first paragraph of my post- Time. You see, time whisks us by. They push us along, they control us. They are the demise of us, or they make us. Unfortunately, there is no way to reverse this and not have time pushing us along this path we call life. But time sometimes go so quickly I start to sink. I grab. But I realize there is nothing to grab, no foothold. Last year's level camp feels like just months ago and now we're year 3 and we have another level camp. New people, new friends, new holes to fill, new memories to remember. And now people online are exclaiming that they are surprised to find me online. Hansel bombarded me with a million exclamation marks. Michelle was super surprised. And C well, HAHA. See, this is just evidence of how time is. And how my mind works.
Growing up, what a journey.
