Wreck

So you've heard. Yesterday has got to be the worst day in my memory to date. We lost by a small margin and won them by a large margin (25-10) but we still lost the 4th placing to them ultimately. My heart was broken literally, I felt the stabbing pain I've never felt before. Hurt a lot. Knowing I largely played a part in contributing to the loss, it was 10 times worse. I cried a lot after the match, went out for lunch with B Div' and shopped for Valentine's but the pain the heart still stayed. It was like a stone lodged inside of you weighing down heavier and heavier. When I reached home it was even worse, the pain magnified and tears just kept streaming down like crazy. I was weak, tired, moody and listless. It was terrible. My phone's screen cracked because I must have clenched so hard when I felt like I need to control myself.

It took me a hell of self-restraint to stop myself from screaming, smashing things and breaking things or going completely beserk. I was emotionally drained. My computer for no reason at all kept restarting itself and now all my precious pictures, songs and documents are fking gone. Things couldn't get any worse. Tears continued to flow like a river and I didn't even feel it until I saw the drops on the table.

I was an emotional wreck.

Things weren't going too well for Mel and Cherie either. I cried some more in the morning, for probably 5 times or so and was super saddened when the announcement was made. Saw Mel crying. I cannot emphasize enough how pain my heart was today I couldn't even speak much. But at least I felt better towards the end of the day. But once someone asks or I get reminded of it I'd shut off.

But anyway thank you to my angels (Melissa oh my God!), people who gave me presents, and my dear sweet 1E who made my day truly. The card they wrote touched me and I teared a bit more, and the roses from the guys (Rason and the silent killer) touched me a lot too. Thanks so much people! And also to Ag, Mel and Ham who knows how to comfort me the right way (by leaving me alone and being funny) To my volleyball Year 3 juniors (I LOVE YOU) and to my teammates who are always, always there for me (I LOVE YOU MORE) You guys are like family.

Thanks people. I was thinking how I can never bounce back from this setback yesterday. But time will heal. I will work harder than ever before, and I will, mark my words, redeem myself and stand up again.

I will.