Pain is learning who you are

化悲愤为力量

化腐朽为神奇

化团结为力量

This whole rojak of emotions in me has me stumped over how to put into words. Fingers just hovering over the keyboard, typing and deleting, typing and deleting. So I reckon, some things are just better left unsaid.

Was at the bus stop waiting for the bus. Thought of my entire CCA life in volleyball. I didn't expect myself to be in this CCA at all. But I am, and it completely took over my life. It was more than an interest, it was an obsession. There was this crazy, mad, burning passion within me. I'd be super excited once there is training, and I see school as an obstacle to my training sessions after school. I'd be super enthusiastic that I'm going for training. Yes, it was that bad, I was that obsessed. Obsessed with getting better, learning new things, winning schools, learning what is a 'team' and also learning how it relates to life. In volleyball, I saw so much and learnt so so much. Been through a super crazy bout of emotions. It was my life and one of the most important things in my life. I thought without it I could die.

And I think it still holds true.

But the next 2 matches are crucial. If we get nothing this year, I don't know what will I train for anymore. Train for the sake of training? Train without a goal in mind nor a competition to attend? And this thoughts strengthens the determination. I was so close of getting jaded, so close, so close. But now I'm getting the spirit back.

We know we all want it bad, super bad. Things have gotten a little tense (not amongst us) and so we just have to do our best because it is our last shot. I daren't think/predict anything like I usually do. Now, I'm just taking it step, by step.

So I was at the bus stop sitting down, waiting for the damned bus to come and send me home and I was just looking around, enjoying the peace and natural sounds. And I looked onto the floor, and saw a rainbow. It was the sunlight through the glass behind me. It got clearer and stronger.

The minute I saw it, I had hope.

Well I can see it in your eyes you're hurting But pain is part of learning who you are All these truths can sometimes be deceiving When your whole world comes crashing to the ground When all the plans are made out Lying on the floor And all your dreams are turning into nothing more When all your hope is left You know you're not alone Just hold on..