A light hits the gloom in the grey

Chapter 1: Worry
Is there anytime in life we can truly stop worrying? Worry about school work, about friends, about problems, about everything. I worry for my future, it seems to start at a blank, and stop at a blank. During the survey I put my ideal occupation as Creative Director but heck, what does it even do? And then I remembered I wanted to be a wedding planner. But how can you call that a want when I don't have that burning desire to be a wedding planner. It's scary to see how what you do in Year 4 directly affects your entire JC life, which affects your future. We have to act with caution. Anyway, I'd be in 4F next year! Hello people (for another year) :D But I'd work very very hard this holiday to make up, and to catch up. Never ever going to let myself sink in such a situation every again. This is too big a warning to not heed it, and I'd remember it all my life.

Chapter 2: Anger
Recently I seem to be on the angry side, being angry about everything and anything. I realized I like to nitpick, I see imperfections and I get irritable. I have to learn to take everything in my stride. Like Dan Brown's Angels and Demons, Chatrand (Or was it him?) says: "Learn to accept the things you cannot change." And I'm angry at myself being angry and letting my temper just go out of hand. Agh, whatever happened to the Zen master.

Chapter 3: Decisions
Hate decisions. I took forever to decide to quit French. Took forever to decide to quit ballet, took forever to decide which colour I want for a waterbottle (pfft). I will spend 1 year (and 2 months) contemplating my J1 combination. I admire those who make precise decisions and stick by it. Like Irene, she made a decision to go 4A. And she knows extremely clearly what she wants to do. And she has the courage to do it. I don't. Pray I get the foresight and the courage to make commendable decisions. Don't want my decisions to affect my entire life and when I'm old and dying at the age 101, I'd go, 'Damn, I made a boo-boo when I was 16.' Gah, won't die in peace.

Attended the talk by Mr Low. He's a wise man, so affable, friendly, fatherly and kind. He didn't make us feel bad, nor did he berate us. He just gave sound advice and motivation, and I think that's exactly what all of us need. "At 15, you're young now. But you won't stay young forever." These words keep replaying in my mind over and over again. He says judging by my results, I am most likely to be in the Arts stream in J1. He says I look like I'm belong in the Arts stream, that's rather funny. Ms Low often emphasizes how humanities I am. I want to go to the Arts stream, but what options will be open to me when I go hunting for a job. And that leads us to..

Chapter 4: Happiness
One of the most important things in life. It's like Dream On, the film we watched today. To be extremely honest I can't really tell the meaning. But mostly it's about going the conventional way but not be happy, or going the way most people tell you to, and you're unhappy too. Uh, I think that's what it's about. If not, whatever. Should I just do what I feel happy doing, or go the conventional way and do things the culture feels right. Ho-hum I'm tired of having an internal debate over this topic. Feeling a little jaded. Next!

Chapter 5: Waiting
This chapter is just a thought. We wait all our lives, I realized. Life's a long wait for death. I wait for tomorrow, wait for the music lesson to end, wait for holidays to come, wait for bus 158, wait for dinner, wait for music to upload, wait for my brother to faster grow up and stop being crazy.

Sidenote: He wore a ghost mask all the way to my music lesson. Most of the people here don't do Halloween. They stared at him (It was 730pm). He doesn't know how to play the part of the ghost! When people smile at him he's supposed to say Happy Halloween! Not scary at all. Halfway through he said, 'Wah so hot' then he took it off.

Bro: Wah so hot (Takes off mask)
Mum: Was wondering when is he going to say that
Bro: (Puts it back on.)

One minute later..

Bro: Wah so itchy (Takes it off again)

I digress. Yes, so we wait. Wait for the next Halloween, wait for when we come-of-age. It's a long wait. And we're still waiting.

Chapter 6: Ends
Death is an end. 31st December is an end. This Friday, PSLE, all are ends. This sentence is one of those ends 0.0

(Okay I can't find a way to end a post dramatically/poignantly. Kbye.)