Don't let fear of striking out keep you from playing the game
I think I can live on HBO forever and forever. Watched A Cinderella Story on HBO for what, the 2nd time already. Did you ever know Rupert Grint was supposed to play Austin? Instead of Chad Micheal Murray, but couldn't because he had to go film Harry Potter? I mean, take a look at this guy and the next one next to him.
It wouldn't be a fairytale no more.
But anyway, apart from that, life after exams have been ok. I think the thought hasn't totally sunk in yet, I was thinking of what should I bring out to study but I shook myself while standing at the door. Not enough sleep.
X X X
Insignificant details aside, the more pressing (and smoky) issue is the haze. The last time I checked, it was 150 (ok it's 145 now)! I was walking along and I got really scared. Everywhere was this foggy mist and I thought, It looks like it's either the end of the world or it's a really really awesome fairytale. It's like walking in those forest in a dream (like The Others scene) and just slowly roaming around looking for something you'd never find. Stuck in limbo. Getting too carried away.
But I do have the tendency to just sink into a good dose of fantasy, just letting expectations and thoughts go notches and notches higher than it should. Like life should be movie-worthy, exciting things always happen, love is romantic, your future husband is a prince-charmante equivalent and so on. I'm not sure if I actually go back to reality, because my brain might be in fantasy-mode since I came into being. But some people do go back after reality after it gives your door a hard knock, people like JM. Or maybe I can effortlessly ease into the alternate worlds. Okay, let me just go back to living my dream. So if this is a dream, what is it when I really dream in my sleep? Headspin, headspin.
X X X
Saw Hrishi with a new bunch of kids on Friday. Heart kind of ached. I used to go down to the playground or the pool every single day at 5 without fail. Everyone would be there. I remember Dhillon, Nikita, Hrishi, Justin, Jonathan and Jeremy, the Badminton champ (no idea what's her name), Rohan, Debbie and the rest. We'd play everything, cycle, hide and seek, catching, badminton, swim.. The good old days. And then Debbie had a boyfriend (She was much older than us) and we didn't see much of her. I remember Nik telling me her boyfriend's name was "Alson" and I said, "What, Ulcer?" I remember we were wondering what kind of a name was that. But anyway 3F has an Alson and that takes the weirdness off a little. And so her brother Dhillon was in. But one by one the guys left and grew a little older, and the time came when Nik had her PSLE and me, my streaming and we just drifted away.
Somehow or other, the years just go by and we don't even see much of each other anymore. Not even this guy whom I used to meet in the lift everyday. Only an occasional "Hi Aunty" to his Mum or nothing at all. It's a sad thing, that beautiful relationships get the boot because of the pace our life is going at. But aren't they excuses, if anything at all? I must 'fess, I am guilty of this crime too. I didn't email Auron, nor my primary 6 teacher at all. Instead of letting relationships just stay there, and then let it fade away from your life, might as well do your part in keeping in touch. Like my Mum who went out with her University friend today? They haven't seen each other in 20 years and they have to update everything to each other in a single day. If they had seen each other on a regular basis, wouldn't they be good friends for 20 years already? Additional support, additional fodder for gossip, so they say.
It's weird, if anything, this life is. They say life is short, but also say the journey of life is long. They say, cherish before you lose something and regret, but we might be losing a friend because we didn't make an effort to keep in touch, but we don't regret. (say, a primary 2 friend) Even if we pass someone on the streets, we probably wouldn't even give a nod of acknowledgement. How ironic.
Hey, maybe it's time to make that call or send that email.