Schwamerei
I think I'm damn good at disappointing.
Match was 4-1 today, better than Xinmin but still sucked. I mean, we could have easily won them all. And when I say that I don't easily make that statement. But something was lacking, like the Xinmin match. We can't put our finger on it. It's not motivation, it's not the persona skills. I think it's the atmosphere. To me, we are quiet. We are motivated individually, deep within us we know we have to take the ball well, we must spike it nicely using our brains. But we don't do it as a team.
I don't know why I love volleyball so much. I never was much of a sports person. I'm still terribly embarrased by my Primary school CCAs. Never did much of sports except in primary school when I did long and high jumps and earned my first trophy for sports. I still jump now, but ha ha, no more long jump.
I suppose I love the feeling of victory, the team spirit, the feeling of being able to excel at something for once. The feeling of the ball slamming down on you, the feeling of wearing your number proudly, the feeling of the sun on your shoulders creating ugly tanlines, the feeling of a team working in sync. It's amazing, if anything. I love the sweat, the hard work, the running around and you feel like you've done the most work out in your life. I love the courts, the wind the sounds of the ball. I love it all.
But if there's anything I loathe, I hate the feeling of losing, the helplessness. You see the points going to the team one by one by one. You badly want to win but there's still 5 other people on the court. Mistakes are bound to happen. I really cannot stand the feeling of helplessness or being powerless. Maybe that's what attracted me to it first, because we had seniors whom we could count on to work some magic to pull the scores closer. In Sec 1/2 I'm not sure if I cared about the being powerless part though.
But now, we're the seniors. People are counting on US six. And there's no other way out but to work together, all 14 of us. I sincerely believe as long as we do whatever coach says we can actually do well. If you don't want to win, or if you don't really care much, then I guess you can just get out, because the rest of us wants to win. I'm not pointing fingers at anyone here I swear. Doubt there's anyone like that either. But hey we got to be always wanting to improve, we got to have the want to win. It's crucial we play to our best. I don't know why but it is. It's not an individual game, it's a team thing. You cannot let 1 person pull down the entire team. So we gotta work together. Can you bear to see years' worth of hard work down the drain because someone isn't up to par? If we try our best we can definitely overtake our expected standards.
But for now, it's time to hit the books, and when we come back, I hope we'd be even better, because it's our last shot at a medal, last shot at proving our worth, last year as a team. I really don't want years of work down the drain. If you know what I mean.