Losing my religion

My head hurts. And when I said this ShiXun asked: Did you say we hate berts? I mean, that's weird. I don't hate Bert. Who's Bert.

I spent 1.5 hours on 3 math questions which is supposed to be easy. I couldn't do it, I just couldn't. So I just cried and felt rotten to the core, felt helpless, and I couldn't be sure of something as easy as the area of parrallelogram. It's demoralizing, if anything. And what's salt to the wound is that I won't get the full training on Friday because of Orchid farm and YiXian and Krys are coming back. The hell. I am so very tempted to crack up the heads of some people. How about my own.

I hate this feeling. Like nothing can make it better, like nothing can save you from the deep abyss of your ruined life. Like you sank so deep not even someone from your wildest dream can save you. Detached, I think that's it. Guess it's part of the night syndrome I was telling Zara about. Like, I have this spilt night-day personality thing? At night I'm Mr Hyde and in the morning I'm Doctor Jekyll. Okay I hate to see these words. Rakes up something bad.

WeiXiang is like, the perfect guy I even doubt exists in the world now. Well maybe he does, but he's probably 60 when I'm of marriagable age, or speaks african or his parents disapprove of me or something. Or I won't even get to meet that guy in the first place. TV serials always makes you fantasize and in the end disillusioned in the end. Guess it happens to everyone other than Jiamin. She fantasizes sure, and she goes on fantasizing until someone better comes along. Disillusioned? Never. So it's probably good to be her. Hmmm, just a thought.

I'm so tired, as in mentally tired for some reason or other. I must be falling sick, oh please don't let it happen now. I hope I can go for at least half an hour of training or something. I'm so tempted to skip the whole orchid farm trip altogether. I want the training. I crave it. I lust for it. Whatever, I just desire to train train train train okay.

I feel terrible. I don't have the energy to even speak, much less think. I hate panadol. It's not good to be over-reliant. I have this faint feeling I'm not being interesting now. I shall decline here.

My head hurts.