Hollow Heart.

I tried so hard and got so far.

In the end, it doesn't even matter.

I tried so hard to make people go for training. To make them understand the importance of a team. To at least have a day or two when the team plays. Oh no, seems like I can't do such a simple thing. Maybe it isn't so simple. Or maybe it just wasn't meant to be. What made me really really pissed was that they were so irresponsible to not go for the last training before the competition. Where's your sense of urgency man. But I've come to learnt that when a bird doesn't want to fly, even if you force it, it still won't. I'm tired. I just can't persuade someone else anymore when I've been trying so so hard for the past few months. Perhaps it's Cherie's turn to do it. I've been trying, I tried. I'm tired and I probably won't try anymore. I cannot impose my wishes on someone else. Maybe it's time to learn to let go, to slacken my grip. To understand what people want and not what I want. Maybe I've been looking in the wrong perspective all along. Maybe, just maybe.

**

I was talking to YiXian online just now, and quite a few things struck me. I started this sentence with "Remember how we used to.." The keyword being used to. I had this sudden urge to cry. I guess these past few weeks I've been busy training, rushing work and adapting to my new class and surroundings I forgot to actually miss someone. I didn't miss 2C, I didn't miss Xian and Krys. And now, when everything has settled and there's this CNY holiday for me to take a breather, I finally know how it is like to miss once again. It was pretty saddening. I want to take a cuppa and gossip like mad how we used to. I want us to be like team, the 8 of us reliving the amazing moment when we beat Jurong Sec. I want back the time when I felt normal and not hollow once in awhile.

I don't wanna move on. I don't wanna grow up, if it means losing the things I hold dear. If it means I have to sacrifice something. If it means realizing something and changing your whole perspective. To me, life is all about friggin' discovery. You discover stuff about yourself. About people. About life, about love about anything, just anything. And then you get yourself a heavy heart, a confused mind and a sad sad soul. It just.. I dunno, doesn't fit. But these emotions, these flawed things are what makes the world so beautiful.

She said she usually cried at least once each day not because she was sad,

but because the world was so beautiful and life was so short.