I've been feeling troubled over SC these few days. I don't know why I feel like this, but I suddenly resent being in it, because it means my freedom and my time is sacrificed. I hate feeling like this. I really do. And many people have been telling me to quit (non-SCs) and I know there is no way I can quit even if I want to. The only way to leave SC is to do something reallly bad and I don't want to do it, because it will only reflect badly on myself and besides, I've no guts to do something real bad. Heh.
I'm sorry to the SCs down there, its probably not the organization's fault or anything, but its mine. I've been trying to not blog about this for many days but I cannot stand it any longer. Hopefully, after this dishing out on the blog will make me feel much better.
It's funny, how I applied to be a SC when I was in Sec 1, only to not be accepted. Then in Sec 2, I was recommended by the teacher. I had mixed thoughts at first. To join or not to join? I asked my teacher for another day of consideration, because I gave him a slightly negative answer. Like "Uh.." Yeah. However, I gave him a 'yes' the next day.
I don't know what to feel. I don't which to be committed to yet another thing. I wanna make the best out of my secondary school life. I want to be happy. I don't want to go for meetings. I don't want to feel restricted.
But on the other hand, I enjoy doing stuff like organizing things, whatever. So what do I really resent?
I've no choice but to make the best out this, and try to stay happy. Where is my famous optimism when I need it? I will try to adapt.
I will try.
